I shall continue my story in India later on as I found something interesting to share today. I talked to a friend today and as girls, we discuss mostly about life, men, relationship blah blah blah (we both do not care about make-up and latest products of Prada so we did not talk about that though).
Well, basically during the conversation I couldn’t help thinking about the similarities that men and women psychological condition actually share.We both have the tendency to involve the opposite gender when harsh quarrel happens in the relationship.
Why do we do that? I think both men and women have the same reason – to let know the partner of the relationship (girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, husband, wife, you name it) that “if not them, there are other people out there who would care about us” and by involving the opposite gender (for example a girl who involve another man in the relationship) would create a sense of competition (which is actually not healthy at times) where the guy stands in a position “Am I that bad that she involves another man? or Am I not enough that he involves another woman?”. In some cases, the guy knows that he is not bad and he knows he does not want to lose the girl and he tries to prove it by grabbing the girl stronger, but in another case, they guy thinks that the girl is a whore who is not worth fighting. The same thing also for girls. He/She has a reason whatever the choice being taken in this situation.
I have been a subject of this kind of deed and I am certainly NOT proud of it, but it happened and I cannot change it anymore. It is this spur of emotions which made us want approval from another person (in this case the opposite gender) that we are not a bad person who deserved certain bad deeds. It is weird how human emotion plays a stupid drama and the entire deeds lead to certain other reaction that could indeed be for the best or the worst.
It’s like "Relationship" is divided in certain stages…
The Honeymoon Stage where as a couple we would show the best to each other, only see the best of each other, only say the best of each other, make Love-Bubble Promises, say sentences like “You’re the moon, You’re the stars, I see God in you, I can’t live without you, yada yada yada”.
And next is The Reality Stage where as a couple we understand that we are committed and there are certain Ground Rules, we see the other side of each other. We no longer try to impress but we try to understand and this is the critical stage where two things could happen. One, indeed they would understand each other. Two, they would try to win each other that the relationship ends. At this stage all the sweet words said in the beginning meant nothing.
You’re the moon becomes You’re incapable;
You’re the stars becomes You are a bastard;
I see God in you becomes You have proven you’re a bitch;
I can’t live without you becomes I felt sorry to meet and to love you and yada yada yada.”
To be honest if I think about the contrast and the facial expression of the “Honeymoon Stage” and the “Reality Stage”, it’s darn hilarious. Try to picture it in your mind and I’m sure at least you would smile ;).
And in the end, if we are lucky enough, "The Acceptance Stage" where we finally get through the battle of Reality Stage and admit that “YES, he/she is the one” and the sentence would change again.
You’re the moon becomes You’re not moon but you are beautiful/handsome;
You’re the stars becomes You are the only person I'm comfortable with;
I see God in you becomes You are just human with emotions;
I can’t live without you becomes I can live without you but with you life would be much better.
Those couples out there who had come to this stage are really the lucky ones. Bless you!
WORDS…. Simple yet Deadly - The Lethal Weapon of human being at the wrong emotions.
We hurt, we tried to win, we build trust, we gamble with other’s heart with WORDS.
Trust me, the pain is more to the one who say it rather than to the one said. I have said such word once and that day itself I had promised that no matter what, there won't be such words coming out from my mouth again at any cost and hopefully I will keep that one at least.
One lesson that I have learned is Never try to win a trust nor an argument with Words. Win them with truth, win with loyalty, win with bravery, win with love, win with silence, win with tears, but NEVER EVER TRY TO WIN WORDS WITH WORDS because both ends will lose for good. All the Love, Care, Loyalty, Trust, and other small things that have been built with so much care would come crashing down with a loud bang and eventually die. No one would win. Both will lose.
For all humans in any kinds of relationship - parents & children, husbands & wives, friends, lovers - let's control our stupid tongues because what we say may not be what we meant, but the pain we cause to other person may not be repairable for the rest of our lives no matter how much we cry, no matter how many times we say "SORRY", no matter how much we regret.
For all humans who ever become the victim of harsh words, Get Up! Those words are true or not, Life must Go On. Get Up, smile and prove that you are a lot better than whatever others say :). Have a great and thoughtful day ahead, folks!