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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Tit For Tat Is NOT the Path to Peace of Mind



Today I just thought of certain things that happened recently in my life.

There were points of time in our lives where we are hurt by other people. By “hurt” in here I don’t mean physical hurt, but emotional one. Most of the time, the people who really have the capacity to hurt us are the people who are closely attached to us - the people we trust, the people we love, the people we care, the people whom we have ever given hands to.

The people who are actually “STRANGERS” in our hearts would not have the capacity to hurt us. Whatever they say, even though they say the worst things possible, we would not be very much affected to that. It is funny how human emotional condition plays along with the connection of other people.

Every single human being in this planet has ever been hurt, knowingly and unknowingly. Sometimes, it is just a mild pain that we get over it very quickly but sometimes, it is a major trauma that takes ages to finally be healed. Actually it is not “healed”, but it is "us" who finally elevate to a stronger level where the pain that we used to feel is no longer as painful as it used to be. We grow up emotionally.

What made me realize all these things are the things that are happening around me with the people whom I thought ever hurt me.

When we are hurt, when we are betrayed, when we are trashed, we have the tendency to curse other people. What I mean “curse” in here is not the vulgar words we use to others, but the “prayer to damnation” towards others. To be honest, I also have done that. It is a common phenomenon of human being, it is spontaneous, it is an eager to have an eye for an eye.Some people take that literally and have the revenge directly. They do not need to curse as they thought they have the ability to take the reign in their own hands and clear the issue. That is a different thing.

For those who do not want to or who cannot take revenge usually let go that anger, pain, disappointment or whatever you call it by “cursing” the people who caused those emotions to us. I did that. I know it is not a good thing to have such prayer in our hearts as we never know what lies ahead for us in the future. Having such prayer means we are keeping the grudge and making our soul and heart dirty with such negativity. No religion teaches us to do that. Every religion teaches us to forgive those who hurt us. Every religion teaches us to be patient towards whatever bad things that happened to us because Nothing is bad at all if we are trying to take it in a positive way and learn from that. BUT… there is always a humongous BUT… it is not as easy as it is thought. It takes heavy gym activity for the heart to reach such solid and peaceful condition ;)

There were times when people hurt me towards the extreme limit where I could not brush it off and deep in my heart I expect them to feel the same as what they did to me. I want them to face the worst that would make them think of what they did to me. And you know what? It actually happened. It did not happen immediately, but after a few years when I no longer even think of it, I heard that whatever bad prayer that I made long way back has actually come into reality. AM I HAPPY BECAUSE OF THAT??? I should have been happy, right? Yes, I should have been happy but I DO NOT FEEL HAPPY. It’s weird. Something that I used to want so badly at one point of time has actually had no meaning anymore now. I do not feel  happy for those who face that worst condition. Maybe I think that they deserve it, but I have come to a position where I could not just sit and watch them suffer, especially when eventually I am the person who is looked for. I cannot back off. I should back off, I want to back off but I could not and I do not want to. Am I a stupid? Maybe.

Sometimes the most important things in life is not waiting till someone fall hard crashing down, but how to elevate ourselves to the highest point as possible that you no longer be affected by those who fall hard crashing down and who do not.

Like what Mario Teguh always says Be humble with you words and your deeds always, because you are just an imperfect human who are prone to errors”.

Thatha used to say the same thing too, but in different version. He used to say “Smile when you go up, because those people would be there when the time comes for you to come down”.

When you are so angry at someone for unfair things that they have done, try not to curse them. Instead, pray that they are forgiven for what they did and pray that they are given the chance to realize what they have done so that they could be a better person for the next time. Maybe not for you, but for others.

Keeping grudge or keep cursing in your heart will make you lose a lot of precious time of yourself where actually could be spent with blessed people who are actually exist around you.

It is not easy to do this, but it is the right thing. Like a friend of mine ever said, “Everyone is a child of God. Forgive them before you sleep and God will grant you with wonders before you wake up.”

The first 25 years of my life had gone stably. Only minor issues would be there. But since 2010, huge chapter of my life started. Facing the turbulence where the entire universe of mine seemed to be turning topsy turvy. In the shock, I have turned to a different person. I became the person that I never wanted to be. I was full of rage, full of hatred, full of vengeance. My heart became dirty. I told lies to hurt the people who hurt me just in order to hurt them back. I kept asking to myself… Why me? Why people behave such? How can they do such thing? How can they say such thing? What did I do that I face this now? I kept asking “Why? Why? Why?”… I never had the answer until I came to Afghanistan. What was done had been done. No one can change it, no one can fix it. The answer is that the problem that I have is just 0.0000001% from the blessings that I have in my life - Wonderful mother, great friends, a family that trust me and eventually realized that I am stronger than they thought to take a huge chunk of responsibility, a family who realize that I am strong enough to clean up the mess that had happened, a family who realize that my heart has the capacity to forgive the worst thing that happened, a grandpa whose physical body no longer exist but still keep coming in my dreams just to give me a hug or walk with me by holding my hands, food to eat when I am hungry, people to talk to when there is a good news or bad news. What else do I need?

If you are hurt, use the energy to be angry to improve yourself to have a better quality as a human being.

If someone says that you are bad, consider that. If it is true, improve. If it is not true, let it go because it is impossible to convince a monkey that chocolate-coated strawberries are better than bananas. Keep walking.

If someone says that you are not worth it to be in their life, If someone says that it is a good thing that you are not a part of their lives, go away, find people who find you worthy enough to be a part of their lives - Go to your family who value you more than anything, Go to your crazy friends who will always remind you that world is great, Go to your work, Develop some interest towards certain hobbies, Work honestly, Give something good to people who need it, Smile, Make others laugh, Show the ones you love that you love them before it is too late.

Live life to the fullest, follow your heart, follow your dreams and the good things are bound to come. Trust me. The good things are bound to come if you polish yourselves as good as you can no matter how harsh your surrounding is. No good seed would go wasted.

IF YOU THINK LIFE IS TREATING YOU UNFAIRLY. IF YOU THINK YOU ARE BEING PUNISHED FOR THE MISTAKES THAT YOU DO NOT DO, JUST REMEMBER, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, IT IS NOBODY'S FAULT. IT IS SIMPLY THE WAY OF NATURE TO REMIND YOU THAT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO GET KNOCKED DOWN LOWER THAN YOU HAVE EVER BEEN TO STAND UP TALLER THAN YOU EVER WERE.

Have a light heart always, folks. Be blessed!

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