Saturday, March 23, 2013

Angry Without Reason? Why?

Two days ago I had a conversation with a friend. He was facing a common thing that I am sure all of us have ever faced. It is being angry for nothing.

In certain stage of our lives, we would face this. We would be angry to the people in our surrounding for no reason at all. You may think that there is no reason at all, but it is not true. THERE IS A REASON. The reason may not come clean in front of you. The reason may be hidden in your subconscious mind or deep inside your feeling.

We would be angry with our friends, our parents, our sisters or brothers, our lovers, our spouses for the mistakes that they actually do not do. WHY? Because there are certain issues in our subconscious being which make us feel insecure or vulnerable, but we do not realize what it is yet and hence, we try to put our position in a strong way by snapping at others. By being angry at others, we are showing to them that we are not vulnerable and hence, we "thought" we are establishing a solid ground for ourselves that we are at the stronger side and no one could mess with us. We do not realize that being angry for no reason has actually put us in the "messed up" situation already.

If you feel that you are in this situation, then I would say that there are three main concerns that you have to see through. First, next time you feel that you would blast at someone, please stop for one second and ask these questions to yourself. Why am I angry at this person? Am I angry for the right reason? What is the consequence if I blast now?

There are many cases in which that being angry in this "vulnerable" situation make us lose even more people in our lives than being angry for a real reason because no one wants to be blasted at all the time. Being angry at a person who deserves to be angry with and being angry at a person who is completely has nothing to do with the anger have totally different consequences. At certain point of time, people would maintain their distance from you because they do not want to get hurt and that would only make your situation worse.

Second, if you have let go your anger to the wrong people and you actually feel sorry for that, then ask for an apology. Asking for an apology would not lower your dignity at all. You have the gut to shout and snap, then you must have the gut to admit that you are sorry. It would make you feel better as you actually behave human enough and strong enough to admit that you have made mistakes and you are ready to fix it. And be careful, because you may not be forgiven right away. Remember that it always takes time to heal the wound caused by "words"; sometimes it even won't heal at all. If you are not forgiven right away, please do not snap back again. Trust me, it happens sometimes; You ask for an apology but you are not excused and you just justify yourself by shouting back just because you are not excused. Try not to do that. Just try to give some space to them and "show" them that you indeed feel sorry. Nothing speaks louder than action. And if still you are not forgiven, then maybe it is time for you to forgive yourself for damaging what was good once and accept the fact that you have done irreversible bad things. Not all in your life would turn beautiful, some things would turn out pretty nasty.

And third, the most important thing. Try to address your issue. No one know you better than yourself. What makes you feel insecure? Fear of losing something? Dislike of your job? The lost of the person you value the most? Uncomfortable family issues? Fear about how the future would turn about? Lack of faith that you could actually come forward in your life? Baseless jealousy towards your spouse? Diminishing trust towards someone? What is actually your problem?

By trying to identify the issues that you are facing and actually find out what your problem is, you are 80% on the track for fixing yourself. So what is the 20%? Well, address the issues. Knowing what the problem is without trying to solve it is just the same as sitting on amber and shout to people that your ass is on fire without an effort  to get up and spray some water on it. Try to address your issues. Make a step to change it but at the same time, do not forget that some issues are too helpless that the only thing you could do to make peace with yourself is to swallow the bitter pills and accept the situation and live your life to the best you could.

Trying to change some parts of your life to better things and give some peace to your mind & soul is not harmful at all. All you have to do is take that baby step before you run as fast as you could and make that giant leap.

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