After around 15 years, suddenly I remember a serial movie that I used to watch when I was a young teenager, The Adventure of Sinbad, so I downloaded the series and today evening watched two episodes. Geez... I felt like I was pulled back to the time when I was 13 or 14 years old. I felt like being in the living room of my home on Sunday morning and watching this serial.
The funny thing is that I used to find Zen Gesner (the actor playing Sinbad) was too handsome. It was always a thing I used to wait to watch hahahaha, but now if I look at him again, I don't find him THAT handsome. He looks just so so, but he does look like Tom Cruise though.
On Sundays, I would sit in front of TV watching Doraemon, Sinchan, Dragon Ball, The adventures of Sinbad, Xena the Warrior Princess, and Hercules. My favorites were Sinbad, Xena, and Hercules. And do you know WHY? Because they have sword fights and cool heroic fights.
Girls at my age that time were too busy with Barbie Dolls and girly dresses, nail polish, glittering lip gloss, etc while I was busy with my broken broom stick at home practicing my swordsmanship skill. Now I know I was weird and why my friends were almost all boys. Which girl want to show me their Barbie Dolls when all I saw was just a bunch of stupid faces and all we could do was just changing the dress, the bag, and making stupid fake conversation with stupid voices?
I remember once when I had group study in a girl-friend's house and she was wearing some glitter stickers on her calf which was a part of Barbie package. She showed me the dolls and all the accessories. Her parents bought her original Barbie that cost a fortune. While at my end, my toy was zero cost broken broom stick which was no longer could be used and I was definitely more satisfied having that stick rather than useless dolls. I still remembered that instead of taking nap, I would practice my broom-stick alias swordsmanship skill in the front yard and that hasn't led me nowhere because in the end, I may not be as good as Xena or Sinbad or Hercules in using swords, but I do could handle the stick pretty well. I could make it move like a fan vertically and horizontally without making it fall down and I could control two wooden sticks and move them in synchronize movements using both hands. My reflex system was trained quite well and I learned certain defense tactics by my own. No wonder some of my friends thought that I know Martial Arts. Most of them would not believe if I say I am not a Kung Fu Player. I was nuts, seriously. But that made me pretty good in Sticksmanship ;).
Well... However, watching that movie today has brought my soul to the place where I was still young, innocent, without any worries about the future, and not knowing anything what life is actually about. All I knew was going to school, do my homework, study for the exam, practice my Sticksmanship, dance since I was in a cheerleading group, eat, and sleep. I didn't know what to fight for and what life is all about.
But NOW... I have gone far forward. I have responsibility that I have never imagined I would be strong enough to take up. I have grown up to a woman who is strong enough to cover my loved ones from any blow. I have seen what men are. I have felt what love is. I have felt what hatred is. I have experienced what betrayal feels like. I have seen certain black side of the world. I have grown into a woman now. I am no longer that teenage girl who did not know what lay ahead in front of her. Three things that still have not changed are that I still like extreme sports, my friends are still mostly males, and I still enjoy watching Cartoons and Classic Heroic Movies.
And the hardest part I have learn as a grown up person, as a grown up woman is Marriage. It has been a trauma. Having the willing to get married as a girl who grew up without a father is a cruel thing. Some parts of community do not accept that flaw. As long as that girl is going on her path without thinking of other things, she is safe but the moment she thinks about marriage, then not having father is a big sin and holding the responsibility to take care of her mother is a bigger sin. People would hurt her to the extreme limit because they know that there is no man behind her to question them. They forgot that God exist no matter a girl has someone to back her up or not. They would abuse her, they would speak as far as their tongues could go, they would accuse her for things that she does not even imagine in her life, they would see her as rubbish who does not know what family is just because she does not grow up in a huge family. Some part of community would behave like the wolves which would rip her off bleeding and spit on her. That is the culture of most human beings.
Being a girl who has to take up a responsibility of a man is a taboo. This culture is funny at times. When a man has a responsibility to take care of his family members like father, mother, brothers, or sisters then the culture would allow him to be said as a Responsible man and a hero BUT for the same culture, if a woman is the one who has to take up the same responsibility, she is said as a jinx, she would be said as over-educated, she would be said as egoist. She would also be said as a strong person, strong woman, but she is not eligible to be a bride. They will say that her mother would not be respected if she does not let go her mother after marriage. Eventually the mother would also be abused. They will ask "Which bride takes her mother along after marriage?" The culture will make her choose between her mother and the man she loves. All she has is that one person and they want to turn her into a monster in the name of marriage by asking her to let go her mother and let her mother grow old alone in her own place. That is sadistic. That is inhumane. That is the Culture.
We are in the culture where the groom would demand the bride to accept his huge families and bow to them, respect them, serve them, but we are also in the same culture where the groom's family would not accept or respect one single person from the bride's side. And if we ask, "Why?", people would say "That is the culture". I don't know what kind of culture that is. It is beyond my comprehension. Only God knows.
What is culture actually? It's human-made customs. If constantly for one year, a group of human are fed human-flesh instead of vegetable or chicken or mutton, then cannibalism would turn into a culture as well. If for a few months human are forced to be naked as there is no more place to grow cottons to make clothes, then soon that also will be a culture. Humans created the culture in which sometimes other humans become the victim. Some cultures make human beings more civilized and more humane, but some cultures make human beings become heart-less, soul-less, and more inhumane.
But I am thankful for the experience I have gone through which made me realize that I am indeed the hopeless case for the so-called "Culture". I should thank all the people out there for making me understand that I should not fly in cloud 9 and expect a Prince Charming to show me a miracle by accepting me with my load. I realized that even Prince Charming is also not that stupid to take the responsibility which is not supposed to be his. I should be grateful for all the people out there who made me realize that the miracles are in my own hands. The magic lies on my footsteps. The strength to take up the responsibility nested safely in my heart. The ways to head to my destination lies on God's hands where He/She would keep showing me through his signs. I am grateful that certain people enter my life and give me an ultimate understanding of certain things and eventually make me stand firmly on the ground once for all.
I have come forward. I have transformed to a different person. I have my own perspective in seeing things. I tried to fight the culture, but eventually I realize that it is no longer my battle. It is a never-ending battle which only will squeeze my energy for nothing. I select my battle more carefully these days, I accept my ground along with the impossibilities that exist in my life and I am indeed Xena, Sinbad, and Hercules... I am a fighter just like them, but my weapon is no longer wooden sticks or swords. My weapons are my heart, my wit, my personality. My strength is the blessing that I keep counting every single day. My faith still stands strong because I believe when there are Black and Grey, there would be Rainbow Color also somewhere!