Today I got a question from someone. That person asked me “Are Women Materialistic?” and that question has led to other different topics. So my answer to his question was a HUGE YES. YES, women are materialistic BUT… What kind of Materialistic?
To be frank, we, women had been stereotyped by men since the time immemorial that we are materialistic. YES, we are. BUT some men are too narrow-minded that they do not understand the reasons behind it. ALL they know is that “Women are materialistic”. It is indeed True but to what extent and in which context?
Since we were talking things regarding relationship, I will be talking about this Stereotyping issue in Relationship Context. As far as I am concern, there are two kinds of Woman when we talk in terms of being Materialistic.
The first kind is the woman who loves luxury for herself. She would appear as extravagant as she could, branded outfit and accessories and when it comes to relationship, she would be the kind of person who demands the same luxury for HERSELF.
The second kind is the woman who would appear to be simple and appear as the girl next door but demands certain things from you like a house, or good place to live, and other things which are NOT for HERSELF.
Maybe you ask now “What is the difference between those two then?
Well, it goes like this:
Since I am a woman, I think I have certain views regarding this issue. Most women who are expecting a serious relationship with men have the tendency to demand certain serious issues. In the beginning of relationship, of course we do not talk about serious issues. We would be busy floating on the flower-bed, talking with honey-coated words, and do other silly things that we do when we are in love. But once the relationship get serious and the couple decide to take a step further to marriage, certain serious issues would arise.
For example, we, women would want a good place to live. WHY? It’s NOT for us to have the luxury, but it is a Woman Instinct to create a good nesting for her family. We want our children to grow up in a stable place where we are confident enough to raise them as per our and our husband’s terms.It is a Primal Instinct, just like a sexual desire which is a Primal Instinct; this is also a Primal Instinct. Women want Alpha Male whom she finds strong enough to take the responsibility of household. Getting married and building a family is not as easy as it is imagined. It is not all about making babies and sleeping together.
Women look far beyond and have a wish inside that they would be able to establish a good foundation for their future life. By “their”, I mean her, her husband, and their future children. A woman needs to be convinced that her man would be able to stand on his own feet without being attached to hundreds of ropes towards others. Of course, we, women do not run away the moment we find that our men are a bit skeptical. We are not that stupid. We would try to prop our men and see if he could go for it. We would try to hang on and shape our men, but some men are too stubborn, or too scared to venture out. We call it as “the hopeless case”.
You may ask “Why don’t you accept your man the way he is? Why do you want to change him if you love him?”
My answer is simple. We accept our men as they are, BUT if there is a chance to improve to a better person, WHY NOT? Don’t the men also want the same thing? Doesn't a man want a wife whose cooking skill is getting better day by day? A wife who is trying to control her nagging? Because in the end, Marriage or Relationship is about polishing each other, right? About making each other a better human being.
Which human being wants to die at his/her old age with the same mentality as he/she was when he/she was still in the 20s? Don’t we want to polish ourselves to a better human being? Don’t we want to stand in a better financial condition as we get older? Don’t we want to have our own house to live our retirement life? Improvement towards a betterment is never bad, folks. It’s a good thing.
One simple example. If you are a woman and your man is a kind of person who never washes his hands when he touches food. In the beginning you would accept the way he is, but eventually won’t you try to fix that because you do not want your children to imitate their father who is not aware of hygiene? Once again I would say that we accept our men as they are, but we will be as stubborn as a buffalo in trying to bring better changes to improve our family life. And to be frank, we often get a shout because of that. We would be told as “Nagger”. We don't mind if it is for the good things.
There are certain views that women have on men and it is not all financial aspect. We find certain man truly sexy despite the physical appearance or age. What kind of man is that? A man who is individually has charisma to lead his life without anyone’s attachment, A man who is individually brave enough to take a step about his own life no matter what other people say, A man who is individually grown-up enough to be capable in taking a decision for himself without having to keep getting approvals from others, A man who has the gut to do what he has to do and to say things he believes, A man who understands what he is fighting for in his life, A man who let us take dumb decision and yet back us up when we failed instead of laughing at us and mock us that we have our lesson, A man who would polish his wisdom to understand what is right and what is not.
FOR that, a man must not have a yacht or a private jet, or own a villa at Waikiki Beach, or drive the latest Aston Martin. NO. Even a simple daily wager could be found as sexy and admirable for us women. It is indeed funny, but YES, that’s what I call primal instinct. That’s why certain men with middle level income could be seen happier in their marriage life or relationship life. WHY? Because they know how to stand their stance.
Have you ever heard about how most wild animals mate? Take a buffalo for example; the male buffalos would fight and the female buffalo would select the winner in the fight? WHY? The strongest male is sexy.
You may ask “That’s animal, why do you compare it with us?” Well, we are Homo Sapiens and that means we are under Primate and that means we are in the category of Animal Kingdom. Human Beings are civilized animal with an additional sense. If you think I am crazy for saying this, please open Wikipedia, type “HUMAN” and see the scientific classification ;).
Fine, so now let’s get back to where I was. Women expect strong men. NOT physically like that of buffalos, but MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY. That is the foundation, and if he has a good capacity to earn for his family, then it is a plus point.
We do not expect a man with a bank account with 100 zeros, we expect a man who has the capacity to be responsible to the welfare of his family. Does it mean that we would leave them if they do not have that capacity? We would be stupid if we judge men only by that capacity. There are many women who back up her husband after fatal accidents that make their husbands disable to earn. Why? Because even though financially they are not capable at certain points, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually they are strong enough. If we expect to marry only men who are like Ambani or George Soros or Warren Buffet or Mark Zuckerberg, then HELL will break loose for the Love of God.
Now, I want to ask a question for the women out there. “How many times have you ever been in a place and you spot a male who carries himself confidently and speaks his own mind and deep inside you already flirt with him?”
And, I want to ask a question for men out there. “How many times have you ever been in a place and you spot another man and despite not knowing who he is, you know he is a gentleman whom you do not want to mess up with?”
That is the atmosphere an alpha male would create. He knows how to take care of himself. He knows how to survive. He has the capacity to admit when he is vulnerable and need assistance. He respects himself. He respects his own words. He respects his surroundings. All of those things come together and emits certain aura that made him the alpha male.
Now, you may ask me. “Do you expect that all men should be completely independent and kick all the relatives and stand alone like a lone ranger?”
My answer would be: No man is sexier than a man who values the elders, who values his family, but at the same time stands his opinion, has his words be considered, and keeps his words when he believes that he is in the right path.
To be frank, for us women, our men are our first babies, we accept them when they are vulnerable because the proverb “boys don’t cry” is not acceptable for us. We love sensitive men at times (remember: not always). They would be our babies only inside the four walls but if they truly “behave” like babies in all aspects, we would lose the feelings because to be realistic, feelings need nurturing.
For the conclusion, there are two things I want to mention to end this posting.
First, for the boys, if you find your woman is “money-minded”, do not just barge in and asked her to stuff the money in her vital organ, do not just barge in and ask her to tell her parents that she is a rich-dick seeker (pardon my language), do not just barge in and say on her face that all in her mind is just “money”. Consider her opinion - what made her demand certain things and if you truly think that all she wants is just “money” (in which certain women actually do), then back off. No need to make yourself ugly by saying things that gentleman do not say. Even if we, women, speak like a bitch, please remain a “gentleman” because no matter we show it or not, we do look up to gentlemen.
Second, a reminder for all Men who feel intimidated by Women’s demand. We do feel that Men are more superior to women, no matter how hard we shout on “Women Emancipation”. That is the jungle rule. We may stand on the top of the corporate ladder, we may fly to the moon, we may be mechanical enough to fix a truck or a plane, we may earn more than our men, we may have boxing as our career, we may seem that we are the one who controls all, but inside we know that our men will always be our alpha male – the male whom we believe to be strong enough to guide us for a better life quality. All you have to do is KEEP YOUR INTEGRITY, SHOW US THAT AT THE END OF THE DAY THE CONTROL IS IN YOUR HANDS.
One last message for all of us…
For the men, be a gentleman when your woman behaves like a bitch (sometimes it happens)
For the women, be a lady when your man behaves like a jerk (sometimes it happens too),