I think this have been a quite dramatic weekend for me. Another dramatic love story came onto my lap and I was a bit busy with tissue papers and iced lemon tea to wipe out the tears & make someone calm. The conversation I had yesterday with the so-called "victim" reminded me to the time when I was struggling with my own relationship.
It's funny to finally have the moment to remember all the past again & fortunately I could smile now knowing that I had gone through that. Seeing things from further distance has made me realized certain values in life, certain principles to follow, certain signs not to avoid, and certain attitude to nurture in order to survive.
This post today is dedicated for all men & women who have been giving the full and yet feel that you get what you don't deserve.
So now, you may ask, what on earth the story is about?
Well, you could say an acquaintance of mine paid a visit today. She is a girl quite younger than me. She has been having a humble life and yet pretty complicated. She has a mother who is not so caring towards her. She has no father but she has a sibling. Her mother lives in her own world, not very attentive and hence, she has the necessity to take care of herself in almost all aspects. AND THEN... the big bang comes.. she fell in love to the wrong man. YES, the disaster begins.
I will skip all the nook & cranny and finally she told me the thing that hurt her the most is when they were in a fight. She heard a sentence like this "When your mom can't even bother about you, how could you expect me to take care of you?". My heart skipped a beat when I heard that. I was blur for a moment. I don't know if it's a deja vu or just a flash. I have heard that kind of sentence once before in my life and yet, I thought it was a rare sentence to be said by a man... until today. I realize it's not rare at all. There are men out there who are so low in character that have the capacity to say such things. If he can't bother to take care of you, why did he get close to you in the first place? What is his function then?
Now, what I want to say is that... I don't know what I'm going to say is right or not, but I know for sure that it is crucial enough to take it into consideration. Please pay attention on this now.
When we, human, know that a person hasn't been treated well by his/her family or anyone close, and yet we care for them, we would have the desire tendency to treat them as good as we can, right? YES, IF WE CARE. Now I would ask you. If you meet a person you hate or dislike, and you know that the person is not treated well by the family or other friends, what would be your reaction? You, would have the tendency to treat them the same, right? Why? BECAUSE YOU DON'T CARE.
So, now let's get back to my dramatic story of the day. What I know about a man who has a good character & integrity is that he holds charge. Men fix situation. Men fix things. So, if when you are in deep shit and your man doesn't even try to help you, then he is not the one. You can't expect your man to fix all your problem, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that a man who truly cares about you shall try his best to be a part of your life, in any ways. If you find him NOT trying at all or dodging away or pushing the load all onto you, then it's time to reconsider his stance in your life. You may not see it now because you are in love bubbles, but a few years down the line, you would see it crystal clear.
And if you find a person who, in a relationship, has the capacity to say "When your mom can't even bother about you, how could you expect me to take care of you?" then I shall say he is a low kind of human being that you don't deserve. When he has the capacity to say such, what is the guarantee that he would take care of you later? NO GUARANTEE AT ALL. You can't expect a person without integrity to be accountable. Accountability is very expensive, folks. You can't expect that from cheap people, bear it men or women. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP AS SOON AS YOU CAN AS IF YOU WERE INSIDE AN INFERNO. DON'T EVEN TURN YOUR HEAD BACK. JUST RUN FOR YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE. IF POSSIBLE, BREAK THE SPEED RECORD OF USAIN BOLT.
Now, it's easier said than done, right? Yes, RIGHT.
Yesterday, my acquaintance said that she wanted to give him a chance. She said that he must have been angry that he spoke that way. So, I ask "Have you ever heard him say like that before?" and the answer is "Today is the third time".
If it had been a Red Light Sign in a traffic light, that light would have blasted by now. It's no longer a Red sign sweetheart, it's a VOLCANO RED SIGN.
I shall say that when we love someone or like someone so much, we have the strongest capacity to tolerate their tantrums. We forgive them again & again even though we know that they have been wrong all along. It's like an addiction. We are afraid of getting out of the relationship and being single. We are afraid that we won't find the compatible match again in the future. YES, but it is better being alone than in a hurting relationship that makes you cry or frustrated day and night.
If holding a barb-wire wounds your hand, let it go for heaven's sake. Even trees can move, why can't we? Let go. If you have gone in the path of God, love truly, trust fully and still other people say that you are "not good enough", then the problem is not in you, it's in their eyes. They don't have the blessed eyes to the see the purity of your heart. Stop crying. Dignify yourself. Forgive yourself for falling in love wrongly. Beautify your personality and live a life with integrity. If love has to come again someday, then it will come. If it doesn't come, then be glad that at least you are not in the wrong hands. Find another purpose in life.
There would be a moment when you would fight for the relationship. You would give up everything, leave everything behind, swim across the ocean to get your love, but in the end all you get is just a nice slap... Many people have faced this. No one is alone. Hence, when you realize it's not worth fighting for anymore, let it go. Some fights are simply too lame to put your gears on. It's not worth it at all.
My conclusion today is that, an argument in a relationship is common. Now, it's up to us to make the argument into a blood feud or not. Again & again I'm telling this. If you have been following my blog, I'm sure you must have heard this. Throwing certain words that have the permanent fatal effects for temporary problems are not going to save any kind of relationship. Being sorry or saying sorry afterwards are not going to change anything to the beautiful phase again. Please fight, Please argue, but do it for betterment, do it to understand each other. Don't fight to chide each other. Don't fight to man-down your partner.
Wrong words & sentences are lethal weapon, folks. Never... I repeat, NEVER use permanent remarks for temporary problems because when you use such words, surely you will win the fight, but you will lose the person forever. Now... choose... Do you want to win the fight or the person?? Your love-life, your relationship is in your hands.
Fight wisely! Have a blessed week with full of love for all of you.