Suicide topic has come to my ears this morning and suddenly it hit me like a lightning... "Ahhhh yes... that's the personal experience that I haven't specifically shared".
In a man's life (man = both man & woman), there would be a point where he at least once thinks of suicide and I think it's pretty common. It can't be said as abnormal. The issue is that some people go to the extend of actually committing it, while the others have the capacity to bounce back from such thoughts.
I personally ever was in this position in my life. The pain that I felt was so intense that the only pain-relief that I could think of was ending my own life. That thoughts were scary. It was dark, helpless, hopeless. I couldn't sleep for many days. The cause of the pain keep shouting in my ears. I had nightmares all night along. My heartbeat was a total mess. It was like I had a dead brain. There was no rational reasoning anymore, only darkness & the pain - the words. I heard words that I thought I never would hear, but I did and I didn't have the capacity to accept those words. I didn't even think about the people who love & care about me. All I could think of was death as the solution. I chided God for what I faced. I hated God for what happened. I was angry with God.
BUT, in the end, there was one thing that came across my mind. It was a question. The question was "Are you going to let go the entire history of your life just because one incident that was beyond your control? An incident by a person who no longer deserves to be a part of your life?"
And that question was enough for me to stop thinking about suicide ever. I may not sound so modern, but what help me have a clear head was prayers - the best weapon for human beings. There were several people who helped me see the blessings that I have had in my life, the responsibilities of mine, the dreams that I have to catch. I started praying again. I asked for forgiveness for my radical thoughts, my radical anger, my uncontrollable hatred. I prayed for peace in my heart. I was blessed and I still am.
I don't know how many people are right now in the position where I was long ago, but if you are in a suicidal situation, please stop for a while and ask these questions to yourself:
- Have you seen God through the blessing & the people that you could cherish in your life?
- Is there a person whose world would crumble down if you die?
- Is there a goal in your life that you want to achieve as a human being?
- Is there one single tiny reason for you to keep that precious life of yours intact?
- Are you sure God's willing in your life is for you to die in your own hands?
- Are you that blind that you can't even have faith that every bad thing happens for good reason?
- Is the incident that you are facing now worth sacrificing the entire history, present, & future of your life?
If you answer YES for any of the first 4 questions or NO for any of the last 3 questions, then get rid of that dark thoughts.
The reasons for your dark thoughts may come from your own mistakes or from others' mistakes. Whichever it is, it's worth forgiving. You may not be able to forgive others, but you can forgive yourself and that's more than enough. Our harvest is based on the seed we throw, so next time, pay attention on what kind of seed you are throwing.
You don't have to have a strong inclination to prove that you are better to the people who did wrong to you. If you live with such intentions, the responsibility will be too heavy for you. You would be driven by revenge to prove that you are better. Trust me, I was there once and it's not worth it. The more peace you create for yourself, the more you focus in your daily task, and the more you give the best to everything you do... the more the best would come.
All you have to do is, focus on your daily task. Do your job, whatever it is; Eat healthy food; Go out and get some fresh air; Meet new people; Do new things. By the grace of God, sooner or later, you will be completely out of that dark stage and be reborn for something better in your life.
Just remember: What doesn't kill you, will only make your stronger, brighter, and braver... if only you swallow it hard & move up ;)
Have a blessed weekend folks and God bless you!